There was a lot of discussion about this campaign on BBC Breakfast this morning.
Sex consent campaign targets men
Radio advertisements warning men that having sex without consent could lead to a prison sentence have been launched by the Home Office.
The campaign, which will also use magazine adverts and posters, aims to reduce the number of sex assaults that occur when a woman is very drunk.
It comes amid low conviction rates for rape cases in England and Wales.
The government may also change the law to allow juries to decide whether a woman was too drunk to give consent.
The £500,000 campaign will be followed on 20 March by adverts in men's magazines, stickers on condom machines and posters in pub toilets.
They will say that unless a woman actively says "yes" to sex then men must assume the answer is "no".
[snip]Rachel Mostyn of Cosmopolitan Magazine, which in January conducted a survey among its readers on their attitude to rape, said many respondents did not understand "the incredibly complicated consent issue".
"They have been in situations where they're out on a date, they then go back to someone's house for a coffee, things go on and then that person wants to have sex with them.
"They quite clearly say no but that person goes ahead anyway.
"Now, that's sex against their will, but they're still not sure whether that's rape or not."
She said she hoped the campaign would make men "take more responsibility".
Stephen Cooper, a campaigner against wrongful rape conviction, said that "steps should be taken by the man to say 'would you consent to sexual activity later on in the evening'?"
But if a woman was drunk, a man should not consider sleeping with her, he said.
"I think a lady is incapable of giving consent when she is drunk," he added.
According to Home Office figures, only 5.8% of reported rapes in 2004 resulted in a conviction.
Attitudes towards rape have also been highlighted as a problem.
Research by Amnesty International last November found that one third of people in the UK believed a woman was to blame for being raped if she had behaved in a flirtatious manner.
So here we go with the victim mentality thing again. I so resent this, because it removes power from women. Yes, it's over the top for people to believe that a woman is to blame for being raped if she is flirtatious, but equally, to 'go in for coffee', when you know as well as the guy knows that coffee is only on the menu the morning after (and if you don't, then I'm telling you, ok?) is plain asking for trouble. As is getting so blotto you can't say no. And being too polite to say no. Men are dim and think that all women fancy them and want to have sex with them. If you start from that premise (wrong as it surely is on some counts) then you won't go far wrong.
So here is Karen's Handy Guide Number 1: Was it Rape?
Where are you when you regain consciousness?
If you are on the floor of an underpass in a pool of blood - you have been raped.
If you are in a bed (albeit with a minger) - you haven't.
What physical shape are you in?
If you are a child - you have been raped
If you are bruised and battered, clothing torn, nails ripped - you have been raped.
If you have a headache, a raging thirst and a need to vomit - you haven't.
Did you say 'no'.
If you shouted it repeatedly amidst the screams - you have been raped
If you didn't say anything because you were frozen with fear - you have been raped
If you didn't say anything out of politeness - you haven't
If you didn't say anything out of drunkeness - you haven't
What coercion did the man use?
If he used a knife, a gun or his fists - you have been raped.
If he offered you another glass of wine, or coffee, or said 'oh, go on,' - you haven't
When did you realise you had been raped?
If there was never any doubt in your mind - you have been raped
If you wondered afterwards, when you felt a bit dirty - you probably haven't
If you only realised when he didn't phone - you haven't
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I realise it may seem that I'm being flippant over something that is serious, but there is no way that stranger rape or child sexual abuse is in the same category as a drunken thing that goes to far. It's all very well saying that men have to take on some responsibility, but that's like asking kids to be responsible in a sweet shop.
As women, we know the score. We have to learn to say no, learn to act no, and if we screw up then remember for next time. Feeling bad about your actions doesn't mean it was rape.
Alcohol gets used as an excuse for all sorts of things - it's as though no one can be expected to know that if they get trollied then bad things can happen. We can choose not to get so drunk we are incapable of consent, but a radio ad to point this out might be politically incorrect, and annoy the breweries. We don't blame houses for being burgled - unless the door is open and a sign is out saying 'this way with your swag bag'.
There are men out there who take advantage and don't stop when you tell them to. They generally rely on your good manners, and in such circumstances yelling blue murder and punching and kicking will work wonders, plus will provide you with some evidence of rape should he continue, whilst providentially making the situation clear in your own mind.
If a woman is told she has been date-raped, it makes it harder for her to put the incident behind her, because labels affect how we think, and how we think makes a big difference to how we feel. I remember virtuously standing in the sixth form common room, in full feminist flow, saying I'd rather die than be raped. Well, thank Goddess for changing my opinion.
When you've been in the underpass with the knife at your throat, then drunken sex with a man you barely know and don't even like is kind of a humdrum occurrence, to be classified more as 'mistake' than 'rape'. Either way, being raped is not worth wrecking your life and relationships over, and I get annoyed when the media constantly tells us that it is.
Shit happens, but I am the only one who can ruin my life.
